Hey NSA: Intercept THIS!

by Kevin Barrett


James Bamford, author of A Pretext for War and upcoming guest on my radio show, just revealed in Wired Magazine that the National Security Agency is building a gigantic Message Intercept Center in the Utah desert.

The NSA will be able to read all your emails and listen to your phone conversations. Breakthroughs in decryption will make codes like Pretty Good Privacy worse than useless, since the NSA will pay special attention to encrypted stuff, assuming that you must have something to hide. The NSA’s untold acres worth of supercomputers will ferret out your psychological state and decide whether or not you are a threat to the powers that be.

As a patriotic, Constitution-loving American, I find this intolerable.

My first thought was to get hold of the best encryption system I can find, and send an encoded email to all of my freedom-loving friends urging them to BUILD NUCLEAR WEAPONS IN THEIR BASEMENTS and BLOW EVERY NSA FACILITY, ESPECIALLY THE FORTHCOMING ONE IN UTAH, TO KINGDOM COME.

In the same coded email, I would urge my friends to DEVELOP A PERSONAL BIOWARFARE CAPABILITY and engineer a special ANTHRAX germ tailored to KILL FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO VIOLATE THE CONSTITUTION. (If it kills every so-called “American” who is not fighting all-out against government officials who violate the Constitution, and thereby reduces the population of the USA by 99%, so much the better.)

I would urge those friends who do not possess the scientific wherewithal to MANUFACTURE PERSONAL WMD to instead ASSASSINATE ALL FEDERAL OFFICIALS WHO VIOLATE THE CONSTITUTION using whatever means are at hand: SNIPER RIFLES, HAND GRENADES, SAWED-OFF SHOTGUNS, or even the dreaded AUSTRALIAN TOAD-SLIME VENOM.

I would try to convince my friends that any CONSTITUTION-BURNING TRAITOR who tries to spy on an American without a court order should be tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered, disemboweled, defenestrated, and run out of town on a rail.

I would urge my friends to join forces with AL-QAEDA, HAMAS, ISLAMIC JIHAD, HEZBULLAH, THE IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY, THE BASQUE LIBERATION FRONT, THE ANIMAL LIBERATION FRONT, SMERSH, THE WEATHER UNDERGROUND, DAUGHTERS OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, THE SALVATION ARMY, and any other groups that might provide weapons, advisors, cookies and tea, or any other necessities.

So I wrote that email, and was just about to hit the “send” button…when suddenly I realized: “Wait a minute…Bamford says they can read encrypted stuff now! They’ll intercept it! They’ll read it! They’ll send a Marine marching band to my front door to disappear me! I’ll never be heard from again!”

So I sat there, not sure what to do. I read my email one more time. I asked myself: Am I serious? Or is this just a joke?

I know that I’m outraged by these Constitution-shredding traitors. But am I really a threat to some day take violent and/or illegal action against them?

Honestly, I don’t think so.

But there’s only way to find out for sure: Subject my thoughts to the scrutiny of many acres of supercomputers expressly programmed to sift through emails like mine and decide who’s really a threat and who isn’t. After all, they’re the experts.

So I un-encrypted my email. And I put NSA key word triggers in capital letters.

And hit the “send” button.

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Posted by on March 18, 2012, With Reads Filed under Veterans. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

11 Responses to "Hey NSA: Intercept THIS!"

  1. LOB2065  March 22, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    Reading people’s stuff and listening to their phonecalls – what a dreadful job.

    I always make my flatmate take her phone calls to another room because they are soooo boring. Thankfully I do not have to trawl through her email.

    I find listening to some of my families phone conversations with me a total yawn and often watch the TV or read the internet during them – I feel so sorry for any security personnel that get my household for monitoring.

  2. dkf01  March 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Oh yes they did didn’t they. Right after using children’s blood to make their Passover bread. And scheming the great depression in 1929.

  3. Debbie Menon  March 19, 2012 at 3:12 am

    Ann’s assumption that greed driven necessity and “never having enough” to quit will eventually be their undoing is correct. I suppose that many of them are stuck doing what they do, and cannot quit and retire for the same reasons that Bank Tellers who have been taking home a bit every night cannot ever go on vacation… or miss a day at the bank… because the auditors may come, or their replacement might see the books without them in attendance.

    But, why do they do it?


    Because it furthers the objective of what they are actually doing, building larger and better “Empires” for themselves… as Ann has already observed, “That’s a lot of information requiring a lot of employees,” and there is also a lot of profit in building such a center for them and their friends.

    And, after all, as Gordon says, information is power!

    That such activity is illegal is relevant…. and it is probably not illegal anymore since they have repealed the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution.

  4. foo  March 19, 2012 at 12:36 am

    No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.

    — H. L. Mencken

    How many tens of millions of people fell for the “KONY 2012” psyop, demanding that the United States immediately invade Uganda? Yes, it collapsed in a few days; however, it succeeded in the short term.

    How many tens of millions of people remove their shoes and submit to radiation or sexual molestation so that they can fly?

    Most people still get their “news” from TV. Hell, most people still watch TV!

    The next time that you’re in a supermarket, notice how many people are hugely obese, because they don’t have the good sense to eat nutritious food.

    People use Facebook, Twitter and Google, completely oblivious to their voluntarily surrendering their privacy. Suggest that they use DuckDuckGo as their search engine, tell them the reasons for your suggestion and get yourself denigrated as paranoid.

    Wear a “911 Was an Inside Job” T-shirt in public – the hostility is palpable.

    There is nothing false about the assumption that the American people are stupid.

  5. beausoleil  March 18, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    We could save them the trouble by just sending a copy of all our emails and documents to them voluntarily, straight to the White House even. We are certainly dealing with total morons here, but they are evil morons with guns. Can you imagine how many people will not be able to resist the challenge of trying to hack the beast? I doubt it would last long. The really weird thing is that, all this does is give a whole lot of people a whole lot of reasons to bring the whole system down in a whole lot of ways, which is what they are spending all of our money trying to prevent. These plans were laid down with the false assumption that Americans are stupid. They’ve repeated this so many times that they’ve come to believe the lie that it is. Underestimate us at your own peril.

  6. uninformedluddite  March 18, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    I hate to shoot you down but the slime of the Australian Cane Toad is not suitable for assassination purposes. There are many older hippy types who actually boil the whole toad down to a sludge and then smoke it with tobacco or marijuana as it is apparently has extremely powerful psychedelic effects.

  7. foo  March 18, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    From time to time, for the sheer joy of it, I will download a photo of a famous landmark, such as the Golden Gate Bridge, which I then attach to email, writing

    Per your request, I have attached a photo of [name of landmark,]

    Do you want me to blow it up?

    I have yet to receive an unwelcome visit.

  8. Sami Jamil Jadallah  March 18, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Kevin… I think our country is looking more and more like the former Soviet Union and Israel…. for sure one must look to Israel to see who is behind all of this…. The Israelis took over the security of our country….

  9. Brian  March 18, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Kevin, my computer crashed and I no longer have Matt Taibbi’s email address, perhaps I can find it on the Internet but I think if he finds this article you just might win another The Most Obnoxious Thing on the Internet This Month award from Taibbi. :-).

    Your article about the Mosque was quite enjoyable and so is this article. Taibbi writes some good articles but I know from personal experience he can be very rude. However, I wouldn’t mind getting another snarky email from him due to sending him this article. I don’t know if you have enough room on your shelf for another award from Taibbi. 🙂

  10. Ann  March 18, 2012 at 11:02 am

    The parasites must be in a terrified panic if their grip on power depends upon complete control over every last form of communication among ordinary citizens. That’s a lot of information requiring a lot of employees, so who is collecting and reviewing it? Are they Americans or foreigners and if so, whom? Are they aware of what they are doing, are they part of it, or are they simply misled as usual? Which of our leaders are for or against this commie snooping program?

    They are all idiots. If they had any smarts they would have cashed out a long time ago and would be spending their time living high off the hog on a private beach somewhere. Their inability to stop will be their downfall.

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