Memories of My Mom

Those who we love deeply become part of us forever for they live in our hearts, as my Mother most certainly lives in mine. We certainly had our issues but she was always there:

My mother’s reoccurring dream and call


by Allen L Roland


Speaking as a psychotherapist, I can unequivocally say that virtually everyone has issues with their mother ~ think about it ~ it is the first great love of our life and the messages from it quite often resonate throughout our lives and especially our relationships.

But reflecting back now on my relationship with my late mother ~ one of the most endearing qualities of my mom was that she was always there. I still fondly remember walking home from school and the first thing I would say as I walked through the door of our home was “ Hi Mom, I’m home “

Mothers Day is very special to me as well as for countless others so here’s a brief backgrounder of Mothers Day and a short video tribute to activist mothers from the past and the present. Six minute video

As Timothy Egan recently wrote in his online commentary from the New York Times entitled The Last Mother’s Day ~ “When the last of your parents dies, as Christopher Buckley wrote in his memoir, “Losing Mum and Pup,” you are an orphan. But you also lose the true keeper of your memories, your triumphs, and your losses. Your mother is a scrapbook for all your enthusiasms. She is the one who validates and the one who shames, and when she’s gone, you are alone in a terrible way.”

My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly 25 years ago in Connecticut.  

She appeared sitting on my bed at that exact moment in Sonoma, California ~ just as I was falling asleep.

I could feel her deep love for me and she whispered ~  “Allen, I know .. Allen, I know  “

I fell asleep saying to myself ~ that can’t bemy mother.

Two days later ~ I learned of her death from my brother and I realized that I had an after-death experience with my mother.

Over 50% of Americans have had such an after-death experience with a loved one ~ according to Gallup.

My mother had read my Unified Field Theory at least a month before she died ~ so she must have been telling me that

she now knew what I knew.

The Unified Field  is, in essence, a state of love and soul consciousness that exists

not only beyond time and space but ALSO beneath our deepest fears.

As such, it is entirely possible to experience someone you love after they have passed on and millions of Americans have had this experience ~ although they may be reluctant to share it with others.

This was an incredible act of love from my mother and most certainly from beyond death and obviously in a joyful state of soul consciousness.

She actually looked young and happy when she was sitting on my bed.

When I went back to Boston for my mothers funeral ~ I decided to share the loving and joyful moments I experienced with my mother during the Eulogy, including my after death experience with her.

I remember lying outside my mothers door before I could walk and wondering why my mother was crying inside ~ and wanting somehow to help her.

I remember sitting on my mothers lap for a picture with my twin brother, at four years old, and realizing how extraordinarily beautiful my mother was ~ she looked like Greta Garbo.

I remember the last time my mother spanked me with a hairbrush when I was probably seven or eight years old ~ the hairbrush broke in half and we both burst into spontaneous laughter that literally brought us to our knees.

I remember her playing the piano with myself standing behind her ~ my hands on her shoulders while I sang the words of the old standards she loved to play.

Songs like That Old Black Magic , As time goes by and Danny Boy .

Those two songs are on my CD which is under BOOK & CD AUDIO on my website  plus another appropriate vocal by myself which is backed up by Scott Deturk and Mel Martin You are My Mother, Earth Those were magic moments and, in some ways, we bonded through the music we played and sang together ~ when I was a child.

About ten years before she unexpectedly died she shared with me a reoccurring dream from childhood ~ which still haunted her. The dream was a young golden haired little girl running free in a meadow and laughing in total delight. I told her that the little girl was herself and the dream represented her deep desire to reconnect with that same childhood state of love, joy, delight and soul consciousness.

She said that it was too late for her ~ but the sad reality was that she was getting far too many secondary benefits for being a victim and martyr. In essence, she was afraid of the joy and delight deepest within herself and her deep unworthiness kept her from claiming it.

So, obviously my most precious memory of my mother was when she came to me after she died ~ for it was only then that the shackles of her victimhood had finally been released ~ it was only then that I could truly experience her profound love for me ~ as well as her joyous need to share with me her new awareness of this state of love, joy and soul consciousness deepest within herself.

Finally she was once again that blond haired little girl she longed to be, laughing and running free in that meadow “Allen, I know, Allen, I know “

About the Author: Allen L Roland is a Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist. He is also a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web site at He also guest hosts a Truthtalk, a national radio show that airs monthly. He is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations via email at [email protected].


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Posted by on May 12, 2012, With Reads Filed under Life, Veterans. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

5 Responses to "Memories of My Mom"

  1. Best SMS  May 29, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Nice post. Mother day is not only to remember your mother on that day only. Its to make yourself feel the mother’s importance and her love. As mother spends her life to grow the child and make them face the world, so its the duty of child to keep mother with them.
    Love your mother.


  2. 60sstreetpunk  May 15, 2012 at 4:43 am

    I very much liked reading your column- brings some light into the darkness. I agree with quote of Christopher Buckley.
    I learned from the video where Mother’s Day came from.
    It seems strange that this video is to honor women/mothers yet Abzug, Friedan, and Ginzburg are and were outspoken abortion advocates. It seems odd that these people are mothers who think nothing of crunching, slicing, and yanking the body parts off unborn babies. I have no respect for these three women. Friedan also said women need not rely on child support when THEY leave their husbands but money talks and that only lasted one year.
    Ginzburg is an avid Zionist- kill Palestinian sons and daughters but leave Jewish boys alone so their mothers can be content.

  3. Jason TEPOORTEN  May 14, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    I thought Mother’s Day was always about celebrating the selfless lives lived by mothers through their passion for raising tomorrow’s society. I thought the day was about acknowledging their selfless efforts.

  4. Jason TEPOORTEN  May 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    My mother was self-sacrificing when I was growing up. She believed in mothering as a selfless act and put us children and our interests first to have a better and more privileged life.

    God bless those selfless mothers that are true to their cause in raising children that will become effective citizens to their country.

  5. Allen L Roland  May 13, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Please watch the six minute Mother’s Day video because it clearly points out that Mother’s Day was initially instituted to pay homage to mothers who lost their sons in war ~ a message that has been obviously lost in a society that still celebrates war and killing under the banner of freedom and democracy.

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