THESE RAGGEDYHEADED INFIDELS AIN’T SELLING WOLF-TICKETS

THESE RAGGEDYHEADED INFIDELS AIN’T SELLING WOLF-TICKETS

AN OPINION FROM THE MIDDLE…..OF THE BULLS-EYE

by Lee Wm. Sachs

This is deadly serious.  The sandfleas are kicking our collective asses in Iraq (we will deal with the collectiveness of the Coalition laterespecially since the few hundred Australian, British, Italianoh, say Arrivederci Roma to the WOPs, those guineas that have never won a war since Julio Caesar got blown away by Cleopatra). 

Listen to your conscience; listen to CBS News and Bob Sheiffer’s Fallen Heroes.  You would have thought that we would have run out of 19 year old PFCs by now!  And they, much like Caesar, are getting blown away by the squadfull.  But this is not an historical corollary to the Vietnam War. 

A generation ago it was black pajama-clad sappers overrunning our central highlands outposts.  Now these sandflea muthahgrabbing Infidels are self-exploding to beat the band.  They blow up at checkpoints, outside police stations (the most popular venue), at schools, weddings, candy handouts, every conceivable site except Bar Mitzvahs, and the carnage goes on and on and on.

And exactly how long will this go on?  Herein is the answer; an answer anchored in a strict mathematical modality:

Iraq has a population of 25,000,000 vilde chayes.  Assuming that half are men and half are women, and that the latter manage to escape the constraints of their chadars and various other unflattering tent-like costumes, jump into bed and get down.  Nine months later the fruits of this getting down pops out in the form of yet another potential suicide maniac.  Now if the country has a net reproduction rate of 1.75%, and that suicide missionaries manage to dispatch themselves at the rate of a dozen per day, time off for choice holidays, it will take approximately 9 billion years for Iraq to exhaust this labor pool. 

And in 9 billion years Bush II, Rumsfeld and the rest of the Administration’s cheerleaders will be but a footnote in the graffiti of the History Channel. Ergo, the United States with a net reproductive rate of 1.52% will run out of 19 year old PFCs long before the bombers start scraping the bottom of the proverbial barrel.  We will also have run out of the bully-buddies in our coalition. 

Ho Chi Minh said it quite succinctly back in the late 60s:  Hey, Roundeyes!  This is a War of Attrition.  I can lose a cool million of my gooks, zipper-heads, turtles, slopes and slanteyes to every one of your divisions and I will still prevail.  We ain’t selling wolf-tickets.  We be getting down, Lyndon-san.  We be getting down!

Well at least we Occidentals will win in the name-calling business. 

Lee Wm Sachs is a published author, a U.S. Army Veteran, and Comedian.  He has a Master Degree in Humanities from Pacific Lutheran University.  Send in your comments. He can be reached at [email protected]