US Presidency to be Outsourced to India

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of  America will be outsourced to India, effective immediately

Courtesy of Satire

The move is being made in order to save the President’s $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India  will assume the office of President as of January 1,  2008.  Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a
salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits…

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able  to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to  the time difference between the US and India, he will be working  primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.  "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President." 
 
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should  not be a  problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern.  Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. 

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. " President Bush has used them successfully for years,with the result that some  people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not  be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is re-enlistment in the Army National Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited. "I’ve been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport nonsmoking terminal and gift shop.

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