Soldier Falls from Patriotric Bliss into Abyss of Corrupted Bureaucracy

One Soldiers Journey from Patriotic Service to Bureaucratic and Corrupt U.S. Government Hell

Another Soldier Lost to the Bureaucrazy

By Rick Thorne

I will be 60 years old on September 11. 2008. I entered the Navy in July of 1967 in the hopes of making it a career. After boot camp I was transferred to Cecil Field and worked as a plane captain. Everything went pretty well until an E4 was transferred into my squadron. I was very reserved at that time in my life and just wanted to do my job and be left alone. This man was very pushy and loved ordering me around just to exercise his unwanted advances toward me. I felt powerless to do anything about it because he was a rank over me. This man worked in the flight office and graded tests for advancement. No matter how hard I tried to pass I always flunked the test. Now I wasn’t the smartest guy in the squadron but I felt the last time I took the test I’d pass it.

As you may well expect it didn’t happen. I feel the man deliberately flunked me. He loved making me pull extra duty just to torment me. It wasn’t long before the pressure began to affect my job performance. I tried to transfer out of the squadron but was denied. I got to the point where I just didn’t give a damn anymore and the man had me transferred to the galley. A few weeks after I was there this bully demanded I go over to the squadron hanger and clean the heads. That was enough as far as I was concerned and at the end of my shift I caught a bus to Jacksonville, Florida. While in town I went to see a doctor complaining I was over weight and feeling bad all the time.

He gave me a shot and a bottle of diet pills. I knew I was in big trouble leaving the base but didn’t give a damn. After I returned to the base later that evening I took a bunch of the pills hoping to end it all. Most of the night I threw-up and then blacked out. Finally I made it through that ordeal only to have this jerk call me threatening to have me court marshaled. Naturally I headed to the dispensary for help. By this time I was a bundle of nerves. When the doctor saw me he knew I was in the mist of a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t help but stutter knowing it was bad news for me. Before I knew it I was placed in a heavy leather straight jacket and hauled off in a gray ambulance with lights and serene a blazing. During this time I thought to myself, "I couldn’t be that bad off could I?"

After I arrived at NAS Jacksonville Hospital I was placed in a small room with just a mattress on the floor. Naturally I was pumped full of drugs but this still didn’t relieve my severe depression. All I had was one window and it faced a dark brown brick wall. Believe me! If anyone wanted to die at that instant it was I. A few days later I asked the nurse for paper and colored pens. Now I had a way to vent my extreme depression. I wrote colored signs that read; God Is Dead, I Hate the World, Women Are Sluts, The Navy Is Evil and so on… I made tissue paper crosses and hung them on the doorway. It was priceless to see the look on my doctors face the first time he came into the one room cell. I mean this man was a strange creature. He was about six foot five and weighed around three hundred pounds. He wore those thick black ugly glasses and reminded me of someone straight out of the mental institution.

As he intently gazed around the room it was as if he was caught in a trance. Minutes later the strange looking office commented; "Well son! I see you’ve been keeping yourself busy." I made no comment and he said he’s see me in a few more days. It was pure hell in that room by myself. It was always chilly being it was around late November. I wasn’t given a blanket fearing I’d try to hang myself. Thank God! A week later I was transferred into another room where I could freely move around. Although I had more freedom my troubles didn’t stop there. One night I was sleeping and had an erotic dream. Suddenly I woke up and this short, fat core-man with the same ugly black glasses was having oral sex with me. When I finally came to my senses I demanded he get out and leave me alone and fearing for his life he dashed out of the room.

Of course I couldn’t report the incident to anyone because I was nuts! Who’d believe a crazy person like me anyhow. I was fearful as it was knowing the Navy could do whatever they wanted with me since I was there property. It didn’t help matters know that one had to brown nose or kiss ass in order to move up into the ranks. I had always felt if one worked hard and obeyed the orders he or she could accomplish whatever they wanted in life. The truth is! No matter how talented one is they have to play the gave in order to get ahead in this world. For the next few months I drifted around not really paying much attention to anything except for the men who went to Viet Nam. I heard stories of how many of the soldiers stayed stoned most of the time in order to cope with the situation. I even heard how a lot of the top brass was making millions of dollars black marketing war materials. Yes! I heard stories of elicit rapes and bully’s being short because they pushed other soldiers too far.

One guy back at my squadron would walk around in the galley after hours with a box over his head. I thought nothing about it until he ended up in the hospital with me. I asked why he did that and he said; "I squirt airplane glue in it to get a buzz!" That didn’t seem sane to me but then who was I to criticize! I too was labeled a nut.

Finally the day came when my doctor interviewed me for the last time. I’ll never forget it. I was sitting in front of the strange creature as he asked me several questions when finally I blurted out; "Doc! You gotta let me out of here before I kill myself." In a straight forward voice he said; "Son! It’s not your needs that count but the needs of the Navy." Needless to say I was flaming mad hearing this crazy nonsense.

Thank goodness he ordered me back to my room before I completely lost my temper. I truly was going nuts in that place. I felt like I was in the movie, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Finally several weeks later I was granted a discharge and felt like I could make a new life for myself on the outside. Unfortunately my discharge from the hospital was something I’ll never forget. I was sent down to the basement for my release. When I walked up to the desk this plane looking sailor says to me; "What’s your name?" I gave it and he then demanded; "Give me all the navy’s property. I handed everything over to him and feeling like a second class citizen he declares in a course voice; "Wimp!" The unfeeling jerk marked a big X on the back of the discharge and then told me to get out. I felt like a prisoner of war at that instant. Talking about having low self esteem! No one could have felt lower than me at that instant.

During the next several months I worked odd jobs and ended up on pot and took LSD a few times. Finally I landed a job at the post office and it was like being right back in the military. At that time The white supervisors were fearful of the blacks because of discrimination lawsuits so they virtually left them alone to do what they wanted. Well! I was beginning to come out of my shell and followed their lead. Several months later I was fired for poor job performance as could have been expected. For the next several years I drifted from job to job and managed to get married and have 3 children. For most in my mind was me trying to prove I had self worth. Of course my marriage suffered for it. To make a long story short in 1984 I had a second nervous breakdown under went electro shock therapy and managed to tie sheets together trying to escape the hospital and fell nearly 4 stories breaking my feet and back. I had to learn how to walk all over again as a result of trying to flee my severe emotional pain.

I lost my family and ended up being married 2 more times and having several more jobs. The past few years I’ve noticed extreme memory loss which contributed to me loosing jobs along the way. Arthritis throughout my body is causing me extreme stiffness,  back and joint pain. I walk with a cane because of my weak ankles and stiffness. I can’t pass tests for employment because I can’t retain the information needed to qualify for employment. Of course! Physical work is out of the question. The VA has me on emotional and physical medication trying to stabilize my extreme condition. I’ve been rated a Priority 5 non-service connected. I feel I should be service connected considering I had a nervous breakdown in the Navy. Of course they claim I had a pre-existing condition so they don’t have to pay me all the benefits. "HOW CONSIDERATE OF THEM!"

My claim for pension is pending. As far as Social Security disability is concerned I’ve been rejected and have appealed it. One has to be on life support to get it in my opinion. I’ll end up getting legal in the end it looks like. Kansas Congressman Mike Tiahrt has been kind enough to write a few letters in my behalf although I’ve been told it doesn’t do much good as far as the government bureaucrats are concerned. The qualification guidelines for disability in the VA and for Social Security disability are non-sense! I know full well what their game is! They want the individual nearly dead before they grant DISABILITY! How disrespectful for individuals like me who’ve tried to be hard working citizens and have been screwed by the government!

They love taking our social security taxes and ordering us to do senseless jobs. But! When it comes to us needing help we have to endure years of utter frustration dealing with their stall tactics to screw us over. How can suffering people like me be patriotic citizens knowing full well most of our politicians and government officials are crooks! The present administration is trying to pass laws limiting the amount of compensation handicapped people like me receive when they will never want for anything because their millionaires? It’s too bad most young servicemen don’t know the real truth. He or she would think twice about entering the service. I hope my story will serve to help others like me getting screwed over by the political machine!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Rick Thorne can be reached at [email protected]

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