SUPREME BEING ANNOINTS GOP TICKET
SAYS MAKING WOLVES, ESKIMOS, NEGROS AND FOREIGNERS AN "8TH DAY MISTAKE"
By Gordon Duff STAFF WRITER
In an unprecendented appearance on a religious cable channel in Arkansas, God himself, agreed to be interviewed by host, the Right Reverend Deuteronomy Staggs, famed "Gospel Hour" host and hair product model. Staggs and God hit it off immediately, Staggs in his usual leisure suit, white patent leather pumps with lifts but with God in snakeskin boots and ever popular western wear.
God started right off by telling the audience that anyone voting for a "Sambo" for president would burn in hell. Staggs told God that this term was not used in his church and had been replaced, during services with "the Negro", the "unchosen" or "spear-chuckers" and that "whites only" drinking fountains and Sunday lynchings had been outlawed.
God then told Staggs that his "half hearted fence straddling" was going to end up giving him a few bad centuries in purgatory and that the Sarah Palin use of the term, "Sambo", referring to Senator Obama had full "God Approval" had been relayed thru Prophet Rove, God’s agent for "deliberization."
God said he had told Governor Palin that she must do his work in getting oil companies to drill offshore, onshore, any and everywhere and to repair a "wolf design problem" by having their front legs shortened. God said, "I liked the look of the cars back in the 60s, you know, the ones with the back up in the air. The same things will be a good look for wolves. I only wish I had thought of it sooner."
When asked how God communicated, God said, that unlike McCain, who fears his Sony laptop more than North Vietnam thumbscrews, technology is a necessary evil. God said that Lucifer had warned him about Bill Gates and indicated that a special level was being set up for the Vista program team, kind of like a sauna on steriods.
However, God indicated that he had given up email as too many of his messages ended up in spam filters or were being pasted into Nigerian 419 scam letters. "Radio seems to work well. Did you see the radio receiver Bush used during the debates? People thought it was Karl Rove, but it was actually me helping with the answers. I got stuck a few times myself and had to call Rove. He was quite helpful but later I learned that some of the things he said were not entirely "kosher", if you will excuse the term."….
When asked if God were going to be involved in the campaign, God answered, "I still have a couple of Osama Bin Laden tapes yet to release and, if necessary, in order to save America from godless Democrats and, as Governor Palin told us, nuclear war with Russia is still on the table."
Biggest problem we have now finding the right prayer to cure homosexuals. So far, as close as we have come is to have a couple turn Republican. They are still homosexual but they keep their sex in public bathrooms where it belongs. So, we are making some progress in that department.
God then assured the audience at home that the world was only 4000 years old, much as Governor Palin insists. "I was sitting around heaven with a few of the angels that hadn’t joined "troublemaker Lucifer," figuring out how to keep Archangel Michael from his Playstation addiction. Ruling the universe can be tedious, even for God. One of them, I don’t remember which, said we should make a new planet with ‘people’ in my image but unbelievably screwed up. The whole things was meant to be, sort of like a big reality TV show at first."
Reverend Staggs then asked God about dinosaurs. God replied, "Yup, sticking all those phony bones everywhere, bones, foot prints and even frozen mastadons up in Siberia, it was all quite a trick. We laughed and laughed, knowing that scientists in universities….I knew even then that there would be scientists and universities as I am God, the supreme being….would dig up the skeltons, rocks and fossils and make up outlandish stories about a planet 3 billion years old."
God went on, "My biggest problem was oil. We needed oil to prove to these fools that plants and dinosaurs had existed hundreds of millions of years before. Problem was, Lucifer (Satan to some) controlled all the oil. Getting him to stick a trillion barrels of oil under what would become wildlife preserves and shopping centers caused me to make some promises I wish I hadn’t."
Staggs asked, "What do you mean by that, Oh Heavenly Father?" God noted, "I had to promise Lucifer that he would be able to control all oil business on Earth for eternity."
Staggs bowed his head quietly and murmered, "Well, that explains alot."
God got up and began walking off the stage. Staggs stood up, "Lord, one more question….why the shotgun?"
The Lord of Hosts turned, "White House wedding coming up."
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Gordon Duff is a Senior Staff Writer for VeteransToday.com. He is a U.S. Marine Vietnam Combat Veteran and regular contributor on social and political issues. He holds a United Nations diplomatic post.
Gordon Duff posted articles on VT from 2008 to 2022. He is a Marine combat veteran of the Vietnam War. A disabled veteran, he worked on veterans and POW issues for decades.
Gordon is an accredited diplomat and is generally accepted as one of the top global intelligence specialists. He manages the world’s largest private intelligence organization and regularly consults with governments challenged by security issues.
Duff has traveled extensively, is published around the world, and is a regular guest on TV and radio in more than “several” countries. He is also a trained chef, wine enthusiast, avid motorcyclist, and gunsmith specializing in historical weapons and restoration. Business experience and interests are in energy and defense technology.
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