My Living Will

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79 years old ~ closing in on 80

Since I’m approaching 80 and probably living on borrowed time, it’s time to write my Living Will ~ inspired of course by the irrepressible Paul Rudnick of the New Yorker

 

by Allen L Roland

 

Those of you who have not read the New Yorker’s Paul Rudnick’s My Living Will written on April 25th, 2005 should check it out for it’s the hilarious inspiration for My Living Will.  

 

MY LIVING WILL / ALLEN L ROLAND

 

1. If I should remain in a persistent vegetative state for more than 30 days, I would like someone to pay my rent.

2. If I do not respond to pinches, pinpricks, rubber mallets, electric shock or other medical stimuli, please don’t take it personally.

3. If my death is particularly dramatic and worthy of a movie ~  I would like to be played by Javier Bardem.

4. If my doctor pronounces me brain-dead, I would like to see the new Adam Sandler movie.

5. If there is a family dispute over my medical condition, it must be settled with a boxing match.

6. I do not wish to be kept alive by any machine that has a 5,10 or 20 dollar change setting.

7. In lieu of flowers or donations, I would prefer a fireworks show.

8. Assume that, even in a coma, I can still hear discussions about my life, my loves and my struggles.

9. If I remain motionless for an extended period and utter only guttural, meaningless sounds, I would like it set to music and submitted for an Emmy.

10. At my memorial service, I would like my clergyman to begin his eulogy with the words “I suppose, in a way, we all misunderstood him.”

It’s very healthy to laugh at death particularly because it’s inevitable and it’s really just another chapter here on earth which may or may not have a sequel ~ dependent on whether we denied or surrendered to love.

About the AuthorAllen L Roland is a Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist. He is also a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web site at AllenRoland.com. He also guest hosts a Truthtalk, a national radio show that airs monthly. He is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations via email at [email protected].

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