Desert Storm Diaries-Desert Storm Vets tell their Side

This is part one of several parts to be posted on Desert Storm Veterans Diaries- True Life Factual Reflections of The War After The War.  Postings by Denise Nichols with permission of each Veteran. Send your submission to [email protected].  I want to tell your stories to highlight the problems we are having.  You each are my patients I was there to care for.  The job just never ends!  So I seek your input!  This way the truth of what everyone is going through is told in your own words as much as possible.

Matt Letterman will have 3 postings.  This one and two more including his trip to DC to testify to the Gulf War Veteran’s Advisory Committee.  He has yet to receive his rating from the VA and I am in hopes that with this exposure that will happen ASAP because he needs the help he earned!

My name is MATT LETTERMAN and I just turned 44. I joined the U S ARMY in 1988 from willow springs Missouri. I served 4 years with 2nd battalion 1st field artillery 2nd brigade VII CORPS at pinder barracks (zirndorf) Germany,  I deployed to south west Asia in December of 1990 as a SPC E-4 (P) from Nuremburg Germany. I arrived in the port of Saudi Arabia on DEC 29th 1990. I was the lead Battalion HEAVY WHEELED VEHICLE MECHANIC (TECHNICIAN) in the brigade. {DUE TO PRIOR EXPERIANCE}  I was the mentor / advisor /father figure to 9 men on my team {they called me “POPS”} due to my age of 27 {I was the oldest on the team} I was well known in my battalion for my skills/expertise in the maint/repair/recovery of our HEMMTS and TRUCKS my teams mission for the most part was recovery and repair of wheeled vehicles, [in peace time]  During the ground war we were designated a SVC CONTACT TEAM which meant during probes or any kind of trouble we were to disperse around the perimeter in two man teams each of us  carried the M16-A2 with the M203 grenade launcher with the exception of one team who manned the M60  my unit/brigade was direct support (ds) artillery [FORWARD] 2ND brigade was the northern most brigade after VII CORPS turned “right” We saw action at AL BUSAYYAH,MEDINA RIDGE,RUMAILA OILFIELDS WITH 2 -70 ARMOR  AND 6-6 INF AND 4-27 F A [MLRS] AND ACTION AT THE “NUETRAL ZONE”,PHASE LINE SMASH [73 EASTING] AS WELL AS HEAVY VOLUMES OF ARTILLERY FROM 18TH AIRBORNE CORPS UN-OCCUPIED FRT SECTOR. BECAUSE THIS WAR WAS FAST DOES NOT MEAN IT WAS EASY! The REPUBLICAN GAURDS for the most part stayed in place and FOUGHT!

     After action report on. MATTHEW T LETTERMAN
We returned to Germany on 1 may 91 None of our equip. came back with us [it stayed in the desert due to its condition] At that point things became VERY FAST PACED the unit/post was deactivated every solder had orders in hand I had orders to go to the 101st airborne but I would have only been there for about 6 months [due to my ETS date] I was one of the best at what I did and my records and DD form 214 show that.[2aams/2arcom]  My health problems that I was having in the Persian Gulf subsided somewhat after my redeployment back to Germany. Stomach cramps / diarrhea was constant though. I wrote it off as my system needed time to adjust to normal food instead of MREs 3 times a day. breathing and sinus problems were better, but other problems started. Tired all the time, not sleeping well night sweats, and joint pain. I believed at that time that the pressures of post-war “reacclimation” were causing most of my health problems.  The Army was offering early release programs. [as mentioned before  I had orders to go to the 101st airborne, I would have been there approx 6 months until my ETS date]So I separated from the US Army on 4 SEPT 1991. [At the convenience of the govt]  In my mind I was young, healthy, very motivated, well trained, and very capable of success.

1994 brought more health problems, sinus congestion,/infections, headaches,  joint pain all the time, night sweats, insomnia, rashes, and stomach cramps. Life had become a chronic SINUS INFECTION [year round] Even though I was sick. I still thought I would get better. We had been trying to have another baby my wife commented that my semen was burning her during intercourse  we went to ST JOHNS HOSPITAL in Springfield mo and consulted with DR LAIRD BELL at the WOMENS CLINIC he done tests and prescribed a fertility enhancer called CLOMED………………after months of trying my wife conceived!
 

1995 I was still working for the same company and in sept  of 1995 our second son was born LANDY B LETTERMAN my insurance would not cover my wife or the baby due to us using a fertility drug. I worked even more hours and paid every single cent of the hospital bills up front before he was born!!!! [THE HOSPITAL REQUIRED PRE-PAYMENT IN FULL BEFORE DELIEVERY] The nurses commented that this baby acts different,  visual observation etc ……it would be years before we would find out why

1996 I was established and doing very well with my employer  in fact 1996 was my peak year of earnings! WE bought our 2nd home out in the country away from the city in order to be able to raise our kids safely.  Even though I was starting to miss more and more work and I was starting to notice on the news all the reporting of other sick gulf war vets. In my mind, I still thought it was allergies and stress. My health really started to take a turn for the worse. I started having days where my joints and muscles in my body were hurting so bad that I just about couldn’t get out of bed. About this time I received a letter about khamisayah  from the  v a telling me to report to the nearest va hosp  [FAYETTEVILLE ARKANSAS } That’s how I found out about the gulf war registry and exam. A lady at the Fayetteville VA asked me do you want to file a claim. Knowing what I know now I should have! I voiced my concerns to the doctor there especially about possible infertility and the night sweats, sinus infections, and rash/bumps on my FACE AND HANDS. This was the first time I was told SON ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD! At the end of that day I left there confused to say the least!

1997 Brought the same health problems. My financial problems were starting to grow. I was missing more work than I could afford. When I’m confronted with a problem I push on even harder. So I pushed on believing that somehow things would somehow work out .we were expecting our third child; SHILO R LETTERMAN was born 3 OCT 97 a baby girl!!! Which in my family is hard to come by! the first thing we noticed was her ears they wasn’t  formed right the doctors said her hearing was ok so at that point we pushed onward  

1998 we were making it financially but barely this was the second straight year that my earnings had dropped I was missing more work than we could afford. By this time I was starting to take many different medications at the same time and I informed my primary care provider, that I was doing worse not better since starting medications. But the doctor was adamant about the type and dosage    [2000 mg tetracycline a day for skin disorders!] at this time the hypervigilence and startled responses was really becoming a problem at work and home. Looking back I honestly don’t know how we made it! That’s truly how bad I felt, all the time.

1999 I was missing more work Medical bills were piling up; we were behind on all of our financial responsibilities. The bill collectors started really adding to the misery [I was working with a company consumer credit counseling] trying to keep it all together Between my illness, loss of work and our reduced earnings we were going under. [Drowning is probably a better term][3rd straight year of declining productivity/earnings] During this whole period of my life, I was desperately trying to pull us back up out of this hole we were in. In my VA medical records, it shows that I kept trying to tell them I was really getting much worse and that I could not function. My family received no help, [we didn’t qualify for any kind of government assistance] I was told the best way for me to take care of my family was to see about low income apartments. My wife checked in to that program we had our house listed by a realtor and I was still working my wife moved back to our home town. I stayed alone in our house while the realtor tried to sell it. Talk about a miserable time! That’s when the PTSD  really started kicking in couldn’t  sleep because no one was on “guard duty “so when I did finally pass out it was with my weapon right on top of  me   I told all of this to my primary care provider. Who on his charts tells that I’m doing just fine? And tells me lack of sleep never hurt anyone!! That same month may 99 we lost our home, It was foreclosed on, we sold any and everything we had to hang on! At this same time due to my productivity falling off at work I was “starved” out of my job that was may of 99. I called the mortgage company and pleaded with them. Please work with me! Not to let this happen![I had borrowed money from some of my co-workers in an effort to hang on ] the bank would not accept “partial payments” We had it on the market and had some prospective buyers But time ran out   Our 4th child was born in July 99 SAGE M LETTERMAN at this point [one of the lowest in my life] we was homeless/ financially broke/ with no job/ and a new baby we moved back to my home town [WILLOW SPRINGS MO] I went to work for the small dealership in town We were a family of five living with my parents After all of this we were still holding on to ourselves, It was very hard but we made the best of a very bad times, My employer BAILEY CHEV PONT GMC and the SERVICE manager Steve Honeycutt were our life savers, Without their help and understanding we would have been homeless. We managed to save just enough money for a two bedroom house to rent. My health continued to fail me, In September, I was back up to about eleven prescriptions and totally exhausted[physically and mentally]  I drove to the new VA medical center in WEST PLAINS MO  After just a few hours, I was told they know there is something wrong with all of us, But there not sure of what it is.  This occurred during the transition between my old VA doctor and my current VA doctor. my new doctor was looking at my charts and said this can’t be right…..2000mg tetracycline twice a day? I said yes that’s correct he said for what I replied the skin rashes on my face arms and body his reply, good god man do you know what you’re doing to your liver I said well….no he said how long have you been on tetracycline? I said almost 2 years he said STOP TAKING THE DAMN STUFF!!!!!  I was diagnosed with roseacha .when I get the rashes, it’s the tingling skin crawling sensations that bother me most I didn’t know roseacha could extend to your arms shoulder and back? The salves that were prescribed didn’t really help on the tingling/crawling sensations.

2000 By the end of February, after so much time of trying to make sense of what was happening to me, I gave up.  I was able to borrow 1500.00 from my dad and mom  to which I bought green sawmill lumber to start the foundation and built a house on a remote corner of my dad’s farm  I was still having problems especially PTSD but I was working. Our 5th baby was born in July 01 SHALAN R LETTERMAN our 2nd daughter and last child [there was complications] there again she didn’t act quite like you would expect a baby to act we would find out eventually why. From 2001 up to 2006 my health was declining and the ever present torment of combat [PTSD] was taking its toll. How we managed to keep our marriage together ….I don’t know. Not only was my health declining her’s was too due to the stress  she started doing bazaar things .when I tried getting her to go see the doctor she bolted and left[gone for 6 months]here I was a very sick Mr. mom with 5 kids and a daytime job, for 6 months [she was diagnosed with schizophrenia/schizoaffective/paranoid delusional]  my employer and service manager[David bush] worked with me as much as they could [missing work, lost days etc] we found out my 2nd son LANDY was epileptic[no prior history in either of our family trees] we also found out that my youngest daughter SHALAN was suffering with selective muteism[there again no prior history in either family] during a va doctor visit the nurse ask me if I had always been a “mouth” breather I said no its probably due to weight gain[distended stomach]..She said Mr. Letterman you’ve lost 27 lbs since you’re last visit! I saw my doctor he ordered a breathing test which I failed miserably! 37% total lung capacity!! That was my wakeup call! You see I’ve never smoked a day in my life! at this point I knew this was connected to my service in the gulf! I filed a service connection claim on 27 dec 06 I had a ptsd episode at my job on 5 Jan 07….I honest to god couldn’t help it !! I was considered a liability to the company and fired [first time in my life I’ve ever been fired!] I haven’t been able to work since, another first was me drawing un-employment $280.00 a week. In mid 2007 I hadn’t heard anything regarding my service connection claim I called a 1 800 number explained who I was, etc; this guy was in wash d.c.  he said” that st Louis was having problems with my records he gave me a phone number and ext number and said I’ll let st Louis bury themselves on this one!. Turns out no records on me…. I faxed copy’s I had to them and got the process going again. In the meantime my unemployment was coming to an end I went to soc security and filed I signed two medical release forms to release my v a med records from little rock VA and Poplar Bluff VA. In 5 business days I was approved!! Off my v a med records alone! / With no attorney attached! Then I was denied service connection from the VA. I gave the VA 17 years of “a benefit of doubt” about my medical problems before I filed a claim! I feel the rater didn’t even look at my records she said my lay statements had no credidence because none of these people have a medical background????!!!! She also said there were no medical records from the gulf war [combat] so I was denied. I honestly couldn’t believe she didn’t take in to account my employers statement as a minimum!! She ordered a hearing c & p exam for me which was a disaster[ examiner was middle easterner and he kept hurting me by ripping the ear plug headset out of my ears [they are inflatable] I told him repeatedly don’t yank them out you’re hurting me! He got upset and had me rescheduled for two days later I tried my best to work with him its 120 miles each way to poplar bluff mo [I don’t get travel pay]. I’ve requested my v a records, the doctors say one thing to your face BUT reports something different in your records [ i.e.; rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10 . if you claim a 6 or 7 he will report a 2 or 3!] my current doctor for instance is a good doctor but he absolutely will not write the statement my conditions could be caused by my service in the gulf war, one of the patient advocates contacted the clinic about “the statement” she left me a voice message and said that he gets that request often but he will not write it!  We’ve got some real problems in the VA system.
My current problems or illness consist of the following. Migraine headaches, rashes on arm, legs, shoulders  and forehead, sinus/breathing,  joint and muscle pain, PTSD, PERIPHEAL ARTERY DISEASE, INVOLUNTARY LEG CRAMPS/CHARLIE HORSES THAT WILL BRING TEARS TO YOUR EYES,  SLEEP APNEA [USING CPAP] UNBELIVABLE IRRITABLE BOWELL/DIAREAH, ROSEACHEA, 37% TOTAL LUNG CAPACITY/ I  have had POLYPS IN MY SINUSIS, which with considerable effort I was able to blow one out of my nose [I could breathe thru that side of my nose after that.  DIZZYNESS WHICH LED TO A TRIP TO THE E R [I take meds for this daily] unable to walk long distances, REALLY BAD PAIN/CRAMPS/WITH blood in my stool daily, CHRONIC FATIGUE I take Ritalin for this, STAGGER&FALL at times [scars on knees to prove it] I sleep in a straight back chair [because when I try to lay down it hurts too bad] From my neck to the heels of my feet. Especially the back sides of my heels and legs  Is constant pain, insomnia and if I do sleep longer than 4 hours I wake up soaked, If I over work my body, I experience pain and fatigue that takes days to recover from. The VA doctors tell me only report any health concerns that are new. They don’t want to hear about the aforementioned problems. I’ve been told it’s the broken record syndrome?!
 Just because I look somewhat healthy on the outside, my problems are on the inside and they are real. Most people might find it hard to believe, that I suffer on a daily basis, until they watch me walk, and or/sleep [moaning/groaning/talking out of my head/etc, joints popping,] but please believe me, I do! I can only hope and pray that GOD has a special place in his heart for a disabled combat soldier!!
My story is condensed and there is much more. I believe that I’ve made my point. I can only hope, that the department of veterans affairs. Is realizing there are way too many GULF WAR ERA VETERANS that are sick and having real problems and we need help! There should be no question that we earned it! IN COMBAT WE DO NOT LEAVE OUR WOUNDED ON THE BATTLE FIELD! WHAT ABOUT BACK ON THE HOME FRONT??