This deserves a life sentence

1
772

By Dave Barry

It is with great verisimilitude that we present another installation of “Ask Mister Language Person, ” the column that answers your common questions about grammar, punctuation and unwanted body hair. This is the ONLY language column to receive the coveted Lifetime Bathroom Pass from The American Society of University Professors Who Are Never in Their Offices.

We will commence the onset of today’s column by beginning with our first question, which concerns a basic rule of business grammar:

Q. What is the proper way to begin a formal letter?

A. The proper beginning, or “salutatorian, ” for a formal business letter is: “Dear Mr. Or Ms. Bob Johnson As The Case May Be.” This should be followed by a small dab of imported mustard.

Q. What if the person’s name is not “Bob Johnson”?

A. Then he or she will just have to change it.

Q. What is the correct way to conclude a formal business letter to a cable-television company?

A. “I Spit On Your Billing Department.

Read more classic Dave Barry at The Miami Herald

ATTENTION READERS

We See The World From All Sides and Want YOU To Be Fully Informed
In fact, intentional disinformation is a disgraceful scourge in media today. So to assuage any possible errant incorrect information posted herein, we strongly encourage you to seek corroboration from other non-VT sources before forming an educated opinion.

About VT - Policies & Disclosures - Comment Policy
Due to the nature of uncensored content posted by VT's fully independent international writers, VT cannot guarantee absolute validity. All content is owned by the author exclusively. Expressed opinions are NOT necessarily the views of VT, other authors, affiliates, advertisers, sponsors, partners, or technicians. Some content may be satirical in nature. All images are the full responsibility of the article author and NOT VT.
Previous articleAfghan capital Kabul hit by Taliban attack
Next articleFour US soldiers cast doubt on Gitmo ’suicides’