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Do we really need Israeli-militarized American cops driving star-of-David-decorated tanks down our streets, setting up ethnic-ID checkpoints and dropping white phosphorus and cluster bombs on our neighborhoods?
Could Western hypocrisy on terrorism could sink any lower?
The New York Times is right. Egypt's President Morsi should apologize for comparing apes, pigs, and vampires to Zionists.
Colbert picks up my "Obama on Mars" story and runs with it...except he left out the carniverous plesiosaurs.
Here's what Obama will tell Letterman next Tuesday night. You saw it here first!
Those of us committed to telling the most inconvenient truths are terrorists - truth terrorists.
British engineers are warning technologically advanced nations that their citizens have become overly and dangerously reliant on global positioning systems (the wonderful GPS). The esteemed Royal Academy of Engineering itself said the application of this satellite locator technology is now so broad – from car navigation systems to time stamps on financial transactions – that any disruption can lead to a major disaster.
It's a few days before the Academy Awards, and I'm deep in the bowels of the Kodak Theater (which has miles of bowels) in a cramped space temporarily named the Writers Room. The show writers, of whom I am one this year, are sitting around a conference table strewn with papers, Starbucks cups and the wrappers of long-deceased snacks. Also at the table are the co-hosts we're writing for, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.
We continue to see evidence of an alarming decline in the quality of our nation's criminals. Consider the man who attempted to rob a mini-mart in the town of Vernon, Conn., as reported in a Journal Inquirer story sent in by alert reader Dan Thompson. The robber elected to wear a disguise, which was a good idea, since he was a regular customer of the store. The problem was the particular disguise he picked.
Exactly what kind of person does it take to lead a nation? So this President's Day, instead of honoring our commanders-in-chief for the great things they did, why not honor them for the bizarre things they did?
Fine, make your little jokes. But this happens to be a serious matter of national security. According to news items sent in by several alert readers, the Department of Defense has asked scientists to develop an odor that is repulsive to all humans, regardless of culture. This odor could be used by the military to harmlessly clear people out of a given area.
In keeping with party advisories, every effort must be used to keep our media assets, not only at Fox and CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS and the print media but our hundreds of bloggers “on message.” In keeping with Pat Robertson’s decision to blame the deaths of tens of thousands and the millions homeless on the victims themselves, we will be issuing continual updates on Satan worship, Voodoo while killing any and all stories comparing the Haiti disaster to our failure to quash press stories on our failures during Katrina. Limbaugh himself has suggested that we put him on live TV issuing “Zombie Alerts” and damning the Obama administration for its failure to implement a “Zombification Prevention Program” though the Heritage Foundation had warned of this possibility during their “End of Days, What You Can Do To Be Safe” conference held at George Washington University, Chaired by Dr. Nidal Hasan.