Memories of My Mom


Those who we love deeply become part of us forever for they live in our hearts, as my Mother most certainly lives in mine. We certainly had our issues but she was always there:

My mother’s reoccurring dream and call


by Allen L Roland


Speaking as a psychotherapist, I can unequivocally say that virtually everyone has issues with their mother ~ think about it ~ it is the first great love of our life and the messages from it quite often resonate throughout our lives and especially our relationships.

But reflecting back now on my relationship with my late mother ~ one of the most endearing qualities of my mom was that she was always there. I still fondly remember walking home from school and the first thing I would say as I walked through the door of our home was “ Hi Mom, I’m home “

Mothers Day is very special to me as well as for countless others so here’s a brief backgrounder of Mothers Day and a short video tribute to activist mothers from the past and the present. Six minute video

As Timothy Egan recently wrote in his online commentary from the New York Times entitled The Last Mother’s Day ~ “When the last of your parents dies, as Christopher Buckley wrote in his memoir, “Losing Mum and Pup,” you are an orphan. But you also lose the true keeper of your memories, your triumphs, and your losses. Your mother is a scrapbook for all your enthusiasms. She is the one who validates and the one who shames, and when she’s gone, you are alone in a terrible way.”

My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly 25 years ago in Connecticut.  

She appeared sitting on my bed at that exact moment in Sonoma, California ~ just as I was falling asleep.

I could feel her deep love for me and she whispered ~  “Allen, I know .. Allen, I know  “

I fell asleep saying to myself ~ that can’t bemy mother.

Two days later ~ I learned of her death from my brother and I realized that I had an after-death experience with my mother.

Over 50% of Americans have had such an after-death experience with a loved one ~ according to Gallup.

My mother had read my Unified Field Theory at least a month before she died ~ so she must have been telling me that

she now knew what I knew.

The Unified Field  is, in essence, a state of love and soul consciousness that exists

not only beyond time and space but ALSO beneath our deepest fears.

As such, it is entirely possible to experience someone you love after they have passed on and millions of Americans have had this experience ~ although they may be reluctant to share it with others.

This was an incredible act of love from my mother and most certainly from beyond death and obviously in a joyful state of soul consciousness.

She actually looked young and happy when she was sitting on my bed.

When I went back to Boston for my mothers funeral ~ I decided to share the loving and joyful moments I experienced with my mother during the Eulogy, including my after death experience with her.

I remember lying outside my mothers door before I could walk and wondering why my mother was crying inside ~ and wanting somehow to help her.

I remember sitting on my mothers lap for a picture with my twin brother, at four years old, and realizing how extraordinarily beautiful my mother was ~ she looked like Greta Garbo.

I remember the last time my mother spanked me with a hairbrush when I was probably seven or eight years old ~ the hairbrush broke in half and we both burst into spontaneous laughter that literally brought us to our knees.

I remember her playing the piano with myself standing behind her ~ my hands on her shoulders while I sang the words of the old standards she loved to play.

Songs like That Old Black Magic , As time goes by and Danny Boy .

Those two songs are on my CD which is under BOOK & CD AUDIO on my website  plus another appropriate vocal by myself which is backed up by Scott Deturk and Mel Martin You are My Mother, Earth Those were magic moments and, in some ways, we bonded through the music we played and sang together ~ when I was a child.

About ten years before she unexpectedly died she shared with me a reoccurring dream from childhood ~ which still haunted her. The dream was a young golden haired little girl running free in a meadow and laughing in total delight. I told her that the little girl was herself and the dream represented her deep desire to reconnect with that same childhood state of love, joy, delight and soul consciousness.

She said that it was too late for her ~ but the sad reality was that she was getting far too many secondary benefits for being a victim and martyr. In essence, she was afraid of the joy and delight deepest within herself and her deep unworthiness kept her from claiming it.

So, obviously my most precious memory of my mother was when she came to me after she died ~ for it was only then that the shackles of her victimhood had finally been released ~ it was only then that I could truly experience her profound love for me ~ as well as her joyous need to share with me her new awareness of this state of love, joy and soul consciousness deepest within herself.

Finally she was once again that blond haired little girl she longed to be, laughing and running free in that meadow “Allen, I know, Allen, I know “

About the Author: Allen L Roland is a Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist. He is also a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web site at He also guest hosts a Truthtalk, a national radio show that airs monthly. He is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations via email at [email protected].



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Allen L Roland, PhD is a Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist. He is also a heart-centered spiritual consultant, author, and lecturer who also shares a weekly political and social commentary on his website at He also guest hosts Truthtalk, a national radio show that airs monthly. He is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements as well as private consultations via email at [email protected]. Roland is a twin who was born in Boston, Massachusetts, survived a dysfunctional family, pursued and lived his dreams, including becoming a Navy supersonic carrier pilot, finding himself by fully opening his heart, writing three books, siring four children ~ and still living his ultimate dream by making a difference from a place of love, celebration, and service. His Ph.D. dissertation THE UNIFIED FIELD was chosen by Common Boundary and Noetic Science Institute, in their 1998 national dissertation contest, as one of the top three finalists for combining spirituality and psychology. His ongoing heart-centered work as a consultant with veterans with PTSD is the most satisfying work of his life. Allen's online newsletter, columns, and radio broadcasts are committed to the truth ~ as he sees it ~ for only the truth is revolutionary.