by Yukon Jack
She’s back, the god fearing Israeli firster masquerading as a conservative. Sarah Palin is back in the news looking for a seat in Congress or maybe as Jeb Bush’s running mate. That would be perfect, Hee Haw back in the D.C. Vaudeville show. Will somebody please give her a D.C. job?
. She’d be perfect, a major daily distraction to keep your mind off the Greatest Depression.
While the bank is hauling your house off to the Federal Reserve auction, you can sit there in your front yard watching Stoopid jet setting around doing photo ops on your big flat screen you need to still make payments on. Sarah is the bloggers best friend and the number one fiend of Huffington Post, that suck ass liberal Zionist rag.
What the White House needs is an attention whore, we need Sarah Palin’s antics and quirkisms to keep America happy during Wall Street’s final looting phase. “Keep you eye on the crazy ho while we rob you blind” says retiring Jamie Dimond of Gold in Sacks Bank.
You can say what you want but Sarah is a master of line delivery. The winking wonder woman even puts Arnold “I’ll be back” to shame. Slogans can win you the Presidency, like “Tippecanoe and Tyler too”, so in line with Sarah from Alaska, that country to the side of the Great White North, “I got a moose in my leaky canoe and lost my paddle too”. I’ve worked up some more campaign slogans, just in case her team needs the wit of Yukon Jack:
“Praise the Lord and pass the ammo, I can see the white in those liberal’s eyes”
“Sarah Palin in 2016, because we ain’t dead yet!”
“Sarah Palin for Prez, cause we’re in end times anyways!”
“Palin for President because the bombs are rusting”
Vote for Sarah cause “there’s still arabs with arms and legs” or “we ain’t blowed up enough of them yet”
“Let’s go Moose-Lim hunting with Sarah”
“There’s still time to kill more A-Rabs before Jesus gets back”
“With Sarah as President we won’t have to wait to use them nuklear bombs”
I’ll tell you another good thing about Sarah jumping back in the race, Saturday Night Live is sure to have plenty of appearances of that foxy lady Tina Fey. Then we’d have two good lookin’ gals on the boob tube. Tina does the best impression of Sarah, sometimes I can’t tell them apart. Why do they make it so confusing of which one is which? Here we see Tina cocking a air shotgun, it is always good to instruct America on how to hold a pump shotgun with a barrel up in the air for safety, but after you get some experience you can cock your gun by aimin’ it at the neighbors house or his yappy dog.
Tina says she’ll leave the country if Sarah is elected. Well that would be to bad, but she probably a liberal anyways.
How about a dream babe team? Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. Now that would be real good. Two attention whores competing for air time. “Look at me, look at me, I’d ‘da ho now, not you ‘ya bitch tease”.
- Speakin’ of ho’s, who’s the front runner of the Jack Ass party? Hillary, that’s who. She’s leadin’ all the other donkeys by a mile, she’s at 62% according to the HuffnPuff Post. Do you really want to stare at Hillairity’s face for the next four years? C’mon people Hillary’s gettin’ old and I can barely look at her now, when I see her face on the tube it makes my body go into convulsions of repulsions, I got find the remote and change the channel quick before Hillary’s face burns into my brain. Dang, they ought to make a TV that blocks her signal. Hillary’s getting real ugly lately, don’t they have one of those metal masks they can put over her head? And she’s a libtard and will continue with the failed Obamacare policies. Hillarycare will surely be worse, by far. You want Hilliary taken care of you on your death bed? You know she’ll pull the plug on you if you’re a conservative.
Have no fear, keep scrolling down, because I won’t frighten you with a Hillary pic upload. So if the 2016 race is between Sarah and Hillary then for God’s sake vote for Sarah and think about your fellow man, have mercy on us, we don’t ever want to see Hillary’s face again. If she gets elected I’m goin’ to have to shoot my big screen TV with my ought 6, and I still owe the Walmart Corporation for it, that would be real bad.
Things are getting real interesting lately. Ted Nugent got a haircut and may run for Prez. Can you beleeve that? Ted Nugent President of these United States, I like the sound of that. A president that is a hunter like the rest of us folk, that would be mighty fine. It’s just hard to believe that things have changed where Ted is in politics, since just yesterday he was that crazy rock star burnin’ down the house ’cause his crack ho was threatening to leave him.
Looks like it may be a fun Republican primary, the Motor City Madman bowhunter vs. the Alaskan Sarah the gun hunter. I can see the primary debate now, bows vs. guns, real men shoot arrows while pussies shoot guns. America will love it, Fox News is sure to have an audience and stay on the air, not like those losers over at NBC who aren’t gettin’ with the times, they need some right wing pundits brandishing guns and that’ll up their ratings.
Just think if Ted was Prez, we could all clean our guns in front of the TV, with it on. Hey I just thought of something, what if Ted was Pres and Sarah the VP? That would be awesome, then Charlton Heston would be God. And don’t even think of switching Ted and Sarah with Sarah and Ted ticket ’cause that would suck. A women’s place is in front of the griddle so we can see her best asset at eye level, he he.
With Ted as Prez and VP Palin we can look forward to some good cat fights at the Whiteman’s House, supermarket tabloids won’t be able to keep up with demand and that will help the timber industry. Shemane is already sharpening her claws, she can see that she’s goin’ to have to be dealin’ with Sarah real soon, Ms. Palin recently got a boob job and now they’re bigger than Shemane’s, which are mighty big in their own right, I heard that she’s already texting threats to the Palin team, “Don’t you be even be thinkin’ of messin’ with my man or I’ll scratch you up and give you some of Ted’s fever”.
Ted’s got some pretty good competition, the T1 Terminator Arnold is back and is challenging the law on foreign born Presidential candidates. Obama is alien born, so what the ‘eh. Arnold is back in and immediately slammed Obama: “We shouldn’t have girlie man for President” says Arnold smearing Obama’s limp wristed policies. Arnold could squish terrorists with his biceps, not like that skinny frail man Obama who looks like Osama’s cousin.
I bet the terrorists would shit their pants if Arnold got elected, we could put some of them new fangled DARPA terminator robot machines in Afghanistan before we pull out like a bunch of pansies. And with the Pentagon workin’ on robot soldiers and with Skynet being activated over at the NSA, the Terminator President seems right for our times.
Hans and Franz Weigh in Arnold Jumping in on the Race
Hans – Hey Franz did you see Arnuld is going to run for President?
Franz – “Yah”
Hans – “Here me now, believe me later” I’d rather be watching Arnuld as President than a little girlie man Rand Paul”
Franz – “A puny sized man like Rand Paul can not match Arnuld’s impressive muscles, he can flex his muscles and make Congress cower like little girls”
Hans- “Yah, those congressman will be totally dominated by Arnuld, he will give Congress a good pummeling”
Franz – “We all saw how effective he managed California, his proven record proved that he couldn’t get Sacramento to do a damn thing”
Hans – “You can start pinching yourself, with Arnuld as President, America can wake up and smell the muscles, if Arnuld can’t change Congress spending habits then no flabby, itsy, bitsy man can either”
Franz “Yah, Arnold won’t get those liberals to change a single policy until we go bankrupt.” (head nodding affirmative)
Hans “Ha ha ha. America bankrupt wood be good, American’s need to lose their fat flabby asses and get tight asses like my buttocks” (Han’s turns and flexes his gluteus maximus muscles for the audience)
Franz (excited by the but muscle flexing) “Hans your perfectly curved buttocks are impressive, look at mine” (Franz turns and does the same, both flex their but muscles then turn around facing the audience and give the tense muscle flexing pose)
With so many qualified candidates it’s going to be hard to choose which scholarly, learned one to pick from; we have a badass gun totin’ rockstar, a beauty queen attention whore, a weightlifter turned B rated actor, and the lesbo wife of Bill. Be sure to choose any besides the ugly bull dike wannabe lesbo wife of Bill. This is proof of America’s the greatest, with ‘Merica you git freedum, freedom of choice, you get to choose between imbeciles and hos for President. Ain’t America great? I can’t wait, 2016 promises to be the best election yet!
YJ Note: About 42% of this blog is accurate, notice I did not discuss Rand Paul because we already know the media totally ignores any candidate offspring of Ron Paul. Some names and words misspelled intentionally to protect VT from lawsuits of them east coasters from New York City.