According to unconfirmed reports, former Republican presidential candidate and current Senator John McCain has joined al-Qaeda.
Informed sources report that McCain slipped across the Syrian border last night and joined the al-Nusra front, an Israeli-supported al-Qaeda affiliate that is waging war against Syria.
McCain issued the following statement explaining his actions: “In the name of Yahweh, the benevolent, the merciful, I hereby declare allegiance to Sheikh Ayman al-Zawahiri and to the Zionist entity he represents. I have always wanted to grow a beard, cut off some heads, and devour the raw internal organs of my victims, especially since I had a bad experience in a POW camp, so this represents the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. I am grateful to Sheikh al-Zawahiri, Prime Minister Netanyahu, Adam Gadahn, and the other heroic mujewhideen who have made this possible.”
According to terror expert Daniel Pipes, McCain is the highest-level American politician ever to have joined al-Qaeda: “This is a real coup for al-Qaeda. But it wasn’t unexpected. Now that the State of Israel has openly merged with al-Qaeda, and is bombing Syria on behalf of al-Qaeda operations, I believe we will be seeing more well-known American statesmen follow in the footsteps of Senator McCain.”
Another leading terror expert, Steve Emerson, explained: “More and more US Senators are competing to see who can humiliate themselves the most obsequiously as they grovel at the feet of Israel and Netanyahu. What better way to show your devotion to Israel than by joining its favorite false-flag militia and blowing yourself up?”
Meanwhile, McCain’s colleague Sen. Lindsey Graham introduced a resolution (S. Res 65) supporting al-Qaeda’s right to self-defense, and committing the US to go to war to defend al-Qaeda if it should decide to attack any nation, including the US.
Graham explained: “Al-Qaeda is a branch of Israel, and Israel has the right to attack anyone it wants, including us. That’s why McCain’s father covered up the Israeli massacre of the USS Liberty crew, and it’s why we all covered up Israel’s demolition of the World Trade Center on 9/11. If Israel and its al-Qaeda front group want to blow up any more American skyscrapers, the United States must stand behind them and offer our full support.”
Al-Qaeda spokesman Adam Gadahn welcomed the news of McCain’s decision to wage kosher jihad. “We both have a family tradition of service to Israel. My grandfather was a Director of the ADL, and Senator McCain’s father was the Navy’s highest-ranking Mossad infiltrator. Together, we will make a terrific team as we make Muslims look like homicidal lunatics, while waging kosher jihad against Israel’s enemies in Syria. It’s a win-win situation.”
Meanwhile, back at the White House, an executive branch “disposition matrix” death panel is considering targeting McCain in a drone strike. Polls showed that since McCain joined al-Qaeda, 68% of Americans now favor “taking him out” – a three-point jump since he joined the terrorist group.