Seeing my Life as a Quest Versus a Struggle

Soaring hearts

My life has been a quest, not a struggle, to fully surrender to love and eventually re-embrace a young child within myself who felt, knew and longed to share a great truth ~ before he closed his heart at six years old ~ that a profound love and joy deepest within myself indelibly connected me to a Unified Field of love and soul consciousness that exists not only beyond time and space but also deepest within all living beings:


by Allen L Roland

I’m almost 80 years old, yet I remember surrendering to my birth experience, pushing against something (which must have been my twin brother, who was born two minutes after me) and the three lights over the birthing table ~ but I knew I wanted to be here. I also remember lying in front of my mother’s bedroom door at less than one year’s old wondering why my mother was crying inside and I distinctly remember hiding under my bed during the great hurricane of 1937 at 3 years old. But what I remember most was the warmth and love of my beloved grandfather particularly at meals with my brothers ~ when he would invent imaginary characters under the table (like Indian Joe) who he would have conversations with which engulfed us all in delight and laughter.
But there is one particular memory which became the foundation of my lifelong quest to share a great truth and make a profound difference on the planet.
The experience happened when I was four years old while playing alone in my room one glorious summer day in Newtonville, Massachusetts. I knew I was loved by my twin brother Bobby and our loving maid Delia but I could feel love literally leap from my heart toward my beloved and leprechaun who brought magic to our daily life.
Suddenly, I heard my favorite song on the radio (Gene Autrey’s I’m Back in the Saddle again) . My inner joy became too great to contain and I felt an incredible urge to share it with the world ~ so I turned the radio up to full volume, stood on my tiptoes and opened my bedroom window, and as I leaned out into that gorgeous New England Summer day ~ I felt an overwhelming delight that seemed to lift me out of myself. An utterly amazing feeling of knowing rose from deepest within me, a feeling of incredible joy and oneness with everything that I saw at that moment~ and I totally surrendered to it.
For a few ecstatic moments, I knew that I was not alone. This awesome joy and delight lifted me out of myself and somehow connected me to everything I saw around me.
At four years old, I knew ~ for one important blissful moment ~ that I was a beloved and essential part of a loving universe but I also obviously felt a deep intention to share this truth with the world ~ which I have been doing for close to 40 years.
Two years later, when I was suddenly taken away from my grandfather, my heart closed and I checked out. Emotionally I stopped growing and for the next 30 years, that transcendent moment of soul consciousness I had at three years old remained buried beneath a well of grief, a mantle of psychic pain, aloneness and despair as well as the feeling that being myself was not enough.
Grahame Greene once wrote There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in ~ and that moment at 4 years old was one of two moments when I was given a glimpse of my soul’s destiny and the other was a precognitive vision of the Golden Gate Bridge and the San Francisco Bay at six years old when I emotionally shut down after being taken away from my grandfather ~ 40 years later I walked into that very moment in time in San Francisco and it verified my theory that a Unified field of love and soul consciousness exists beyond time and space.
Only when I eventually fully opened my heart in relationship did I set the stage to escape my self made prison and when that brief relationship ended ~ when I finally took full accountability for my deep pain and stopped denying love ~ only thendid those joyful memories from my childhood emerge from hiding including that joyful transcendent moment at 4 years oldas well as my precognitive vision of the Golden Gate bridge at 6 years old. I was obviously seeing through different eyes and that was my first self-discovery that a profound joy and love lay beneath my own deepest fear and pain~ as well as my need to prove it and share it with the world.
At age 37, my life became truly inner, or soul-directed as opposed to outer or ego-directed. I dreamed I was going to write a book Conscious Love, the Ultimate Energy which two years later became my Master’s Thesis. That was followed much later by my PhD on the Unified Field and eventually my book ~ Radical Therapy / Surrender to love and heal yourself in seven sessions ~ not seven years.
My life has been inner directed since age 37 and my life’s work has been connecting to the trapped child within others, particularly recently with combat veterans with PTSD, and facilitating their path to inner joy and freedom by opening their hearts through love and gratefulness.
It was Mahfouz who correctly wrote “When the heart achieves its desire, you shall transcend time and space” ~ and the heart or soul’s desire is to love so deeply that we become one with a universal state of love and soul consciousness that exists not only beyond time and space but also deepest within each one of us. My after death experience with both my mother in 1987 and beloved twin this year is valid evidence that this state of soul consciousness exists beyond time and space.
Now I clearly see my whole life as a quest to return to, live from, and share with others that joyful state of soul consciousness that we all once knew and felt as children ~ and from a place of celebration and service lead others to that same place of joy and delight beneath their deepest pain and aloneness.
And the central, liberating truth on which my work as a heart centered therapist is based, is this ~ The basic underlying and uniting force of the universe is a psychic energy field of love and soul consciousness ( the Unified Field ) which lies not only beyond time and space but also beneath our deepest fears and whose principle property is the universal urge to unite.
Seeing our lives as a quest versus a struggle is the most important step I take with my clients in my individual as well as group sessions and it always begins in the first two sessions. When you begin to see all of your love relationships in the perspective of a quest to find yourself ~ it becomes far easier to thank them for being gifts in your life regardless of any associated painful memories.
I vividly remember one of my Band of Brother’s combat veterans with PTSD who could only remember one person who really loved him ~ his grandfather. I took him by the hand in a group session and said what would he tell his grandfather right now if he was holding his hand. He opened his heart with his deeply felt words and his homework was to come from that same place, that he had just shared with his grandfather through me, with his family. He did and the inner light came on as it has with over 60 combat veterans with PTSD over the past three years and hundreds of individuals who have completed my 7 session short term heart centered transformation counseling sessions over the past 40 years.
Obviously, my most powerful work as a heart centered therapist has been with Combat veterans with PTSD for the following reasons:

  1. They have been taught to hate and long for another choice in their life.
  2. They have faced their deepest fears in combat and have the courage to face the inner fears of opening their hearts.
  3. They trust me, as their coach, since I’m a active duty veteran and have gone to the edge as a pilot as well as facing and going through my fears on the journey of my heart.

But they also somehow sense, in their work with me, that beneath their unworthiness issues, shame based guilt and inability to give and receive love that there is another choice and that it’s finally their turn to go inside and claim that choice. As their coach, I help them connect the dots so that their heart centered quest becomes obvious to them as well as their family and friends.
The third tenet of my Unified Field is the key to understanding the stumbling block we must change into a stepping stone in our quest to find ourselves as well as real meaning in our life;
Tenet Three

It would appear that the pain of not feeling loved for oneself and being seemingly separated from our original state of soul consciousness and the Unified Field is of such deep psychic proportions that, early in childhood, processes are triggered in the hypothalamus which result in a left brain imbalance and dominance as well as the denial, mistrust and forgetting of our connection to the Unified Field and the love and joy and a state of soul consciousness deepest within us. It is from this dark tunnel of pain, aloneness, despair and apparent death that the ego and ego consciousness is born – for survival and protection purposes only. As such, death or the idea of death, is an illusion measured by the limits of our consciousness. Think of the ego as a protective cocoon that is eventually meant to be shed. The Unified Field can be visualized as a grid of great luminosity joining all living beings within its energy field of love. The words of Longfellow would seem appropriate in describing this all-encompassing field or grid: The thread of all sustaining beauty that runs through all and doth all unite.”

A Universe of Heart Strings

This is why most people are not afraid of their pain, most people are living in pain ~ what most people are afraid of is their deeper joy because they feel it will eventually be taken away ~ as it seemingly was as a child or in relationship.

Once my clients sense that beneath their deepest pain and fear is joy, intention and purpose ~ their ego is no longer needed for protection and begins to slowly unravel. The 8 steps of ego death are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, Surrender, Celebration and service.

I meet and touch them at the celebration and service stage and guide them through their fears to the same stages.

I have personally proved that a Unified Field of love, joy and soul consciousness exists beneath our deepest pain and fears and I have guided hundreds including combat veterans, who were taught to kill, to this same place of gratitude, self-forgiveness, joy and love deepest within themselves. See Article ~

There can no longer be any doubt that this field of soul consciousness exists and I am indebted to four people who built the scaffolding for my unveiling of this universal truth;

1. Albert Einstein ~ who looked at nature in awe and wonder and dared to think the unthinkable. He also believed that a common pattern was there to be seen if one would look with the fresh clear eyes of a child~ and he was correct.

2. Carl Jung ~ who sensed a parallel between theoretical physics and depth psychology. This inspired his efforts to probe the deepest regions of his own psyche, as well as that of others, in search of a unifying source of energy and a causal theory of synchronicity comparable in scope to Einstein’s theory of relativity. His collective unconscious was actually the Unified Field of love and soul consciousness which exists beyond time and space.

3. Teilhard de Chardin ~ who clearly defined this all-unifying source of energy as love~ “Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them for it alone takes them and joins them to what is deepest within themselves.Teilhard’s dilemma was that he did not realize that psychic pain ( the seeming separation from love) can override our original state of love and soul consciousness causing us to deny or mistrust the love and joy deepest within ourselves.

4. Joseph Allen Bryant ~ my grandfather, whose loving presence and spirit served as a source of inspiration and a beacon of light on my journey through my own darkness and fear to the love, joy and intention deepest within myself and whoseMasonic ring I proudly wear on my right hand.My grandfather’s gift was himself and his irrepressible childlike heart.

My lifetime quest is almost over~ for I am once again in many ways that same joy filled irrepressible little boy leaning out his window(except mine is now Microsoft windows) whose heart is wide open as I fully share the joy and triumph of what I feel and see with the whole world.

Finally, Lincoln Barnett (who wrote The Universe and Dr Einstein) spells out the eventual philosophical triumph of anysought for Unified Field ~ which indeed greatly resembles my Unified Field ;
“The great philosophical triumph of any Unified Field is implicit in the first word of its title. For it will carry to logical fulfillment the long course of science towards the unification of man’s concepts of the physical world.
For from its august perspective, the entire universe would appear as one elemental field in which each atom, each flying electron, each star, each wandering comet and slow-wheeling galaxy is seen to be but a ripple or tumescence in the underlying space-time unity.
And so a profound simplicity would supplant the surface complexity of nature.Thus all man’s perceptions of the world and all his abstract intuitions of reality would merge finally into one, and the deep underlying unity of the universe would be laid bare”
Once again, the deep underlying unity of the universe is a psychic energy field of love and soul consciousness ( the Unified Field ) which exists not only beyond time and space but also beneath our deepest fears and whose principle evolutionary property is the universal urge to unite ~ and this is the truth that shall eventually set everything ablaze!

We cannot escape our destiny and it is divine.

About the Author: Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and transformational counselor Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private Skype consultations Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web log and website He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on



We See The World From All Sides and Want YOU To Be Fully Informed
In fact, intentional disinformation is a disgraceful scourge in media today. So to assuage any possible errant incorrect information posted herein, we strongly encourage you to seek corroboration from other non-VT sources before forming an educated opinion.

About VT - Policies & Disclosures - Comment Policy
Due to the nature of uncensored content posted by VT's fully independent international writers, VT cannot guarantee absolute validity. All content is owned by the author exclusively. Expressed opinions are NOT necessarily the views of VT, other authors, affiliates, advertisers, sponsors, partners, or technicians. Some content may be satirical in nature. All images are the full responsibility of the article author and NOT VT.
Previous articleThe Jewish Paradox Arising from The Curse of Zionism
Next articleGuilty Demeanor: The private 9/11 emails of Noam Chomsky
Allen L Roland, PhD is a Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist. He is also a heart-centered spiritual consultant, author, and lecturer who also shares a weekly political and social commentary on his website at He also guest hosts Truthtalk, a national radio show that airs monthly. He is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements as well as private consultations via email at Roland is a twin who was born in Boston, Massachusetts, survived a dysfunctional family, pursued and lived his dreams, including becoming a Navy supersonic carrier pilot, finding himself by fully opening his heart, writing three books, siring four children ~ and still living his ultimate dream by making a difference from a place of love, celebration, and service. His Ph.D. dissertation THE UNIFIED FIELD was chosen by Common Boundary and Noetic Science Institute, in their 1998 national dissertation contest, as one of the top three finalists for combining spirituality and psychology. His ongoing heart-centered work as a consultant with veterans with PTSD is the most satisfying work of his life. Allen's online newsletter, columns, and radio broadcasts are committed to the truth ~ as he sees it ~ for only the truth is revolutionary.