Not exactly razor-sharp

By Dave Barry Miami Herald

We continue to see evidence of an alarming decline in the quality of our nation’s criminals.

Consider the man who attempted to rob a mini-mart in the town of Vernon, Conn., as reported in a Journal Inquirer story sent in by alert reader Dan Thompson. The robber elected to wear a disguise, which was a good idea, since he was a regular customer of the store. The problem was the particular disguise he picked.

Shaving cream.

Yes. According to police, the man walked into the store with his face lathered in shaving cream, apparently believing that this made him unrecognizable. Of course the only place where that disguise would work is Metropolis, the city where Superman lives. The citizens there are so stupid that, in 50 years, they have not figured out that Clark Kent is actually Superman wearing eyeglasses. They would be totally baffled by shaving cream.

BRAIN TEASER: Suppose that, one day in Metropolis, Clark Kent loses his glasses. What can he do to prevent the citizens from realizing that he is Superman?

ANSWER: He can announce: “I’m wearing contact lenses!”

But getting back to the attempted robbery in Vernon: Despite the disguise, the store owners instantly recognized the shaving-cream bandit, who ran away and was later captured by the police. The story does not say whether he tried to make himself invisible by putting his hands over his eyes, but we would not be surprised.

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